Funny Words of Advice for the Bride
Top Rib Cracking 17 Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds
Before proceeding to read this list of funny marriage advice for newlyweds; first of all congratulations on signing your life away, because being married is like a walk in the park if you know what I mean. But if you don't; that park is the infamous "Jurassic Park!" and I'm pretty sure if you ask several bank managers, you'll know weddings are not for the faint-hearted.
In the midst of all the series of serious and critical advice, you've been receiving so far, from the day you announced your wedding date to the day you got married, you'll agree with me that getting some funny marriage advice as a newlywed might be the best way to snap out of the serious environment and get your jovial self back while learning one thing or two.
In this list, you'll get funny marriage advice for the groom, funny marriage advice for the bride, advice for the bride to be, and general marriage advice for newlyweds.
So without further ado…. Let's get straight to it.
Take pictures of everything that day.
This is special advice for the bride to be. Have it at the back of your mind that everything doesn't have to be beautiful or serious. Not taking pictures of every single thing happening is a lot of fun to miss because the bloopers might actually turn out to be the funniest and memorable moments.
Also, you never know what the camera might capture shhhh…….. 🤐🤫🤫
Never laugh at your wife's choices, because you are one of them!
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This is funny marriage advice for the groom. So, scratch that thought of laughing at the choices of your Mrs, you seriously think her choices are funny? Cmon man, have you forgotten? Seriously?
Well, I also think they are since you are such a joke!
Happy Wife Equals Happy Life
It's simple, your masculinity or your happiness? Yes, that's a gun to your head, now pick one.
For the sake of happiness in marriage, you have to occasionally (I ain't gonna do you all that dirty) throw that masculinity thingy in the thrash-can because all that alpha male Sh!t isn't going to work all the time. This might look like funny marriage advice for the groom but in all honesty; you have got to learn how to compromise and do what makes your wife happy. Remember she makes the home and her happiness automatically equals a happy home.
Think about it.
You did it your way and got no success? You ever tried doing it the way your wife told you?
Aha! I see you are still on that masculinity sh*t we talked about earlier. Cmon man, you really going to sleep on that? Now your ego is going down the drain while forming "The Alpha".
Let me give you some of my funny marriage tips for the groom; although it doesn't really sound like a joke when they say women are good managers, they are absolutely right with centuries of experience to back it up. Wives are naturally born to manage properly and I tell you for free that if your bride says "honey, have you tried doing it this way" she actually meant do it that way while hiding her angry face behind her angelic beauty.
Meanwhile, congratulations once again on your promotion from "When will you marry?" to "When are you going to have babies?"
🤣😂 Seriously it's funny how the ring tune of parents change from bringing home a husband to when are you having a baby. It happens so quickly you'll question the speed of "The Quicksilver".
But seriously though, when are you going to start having babies? 🤣
Marriage is a WORK-SHOP where the husband WORK and wife SHOP
What better combo? No hard feelings guys but it is what it is. It takes two to tango, so does it takes the combination of Work and Shop to make a WORKSHOP, but in the workshop; there are lots of fantasies that could come true provided the one that shops is allowed to get whatever equipment that will make the shop run smooth *wink*
You are the head no doubt, but guess what? She is the neck (LITERALLY!).
You know without the neck there's no navigation for the head right? Always have it at the back of your mind that she may turn the head in any direction she so pleases!
All hail the queen *bows*
Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other person is you know…..Husband!
No hard feelings bro! But this is written in stone and proven scientifically, based on the reports gotten from the Scientists at the University of Cambridge, on their research called "The Mind in the Eyes Test" it was gathered that over the years, women have a mind-reading gene mutation that gives them power like mutants to understand someone's thought and emotion just by simply looking at their eyes.
So there you go buddy your wife's a mutant! Now might be the right time to send an invite to professor X.
Fart is not that Gross!
I believe you have or will soon come to accept that your partner's fart is not that gross. If and when you do, Learn to live with it. Haha!
This might be the worst marriage advice but let's look past this newlyweds advice weirdness and put it on a serious note; farting is not something that you should be ashamed of doing around your spouse (when both of you are alone of course) regardless of what society has conditioned us to think.
Being comfortable to fart around your spouse is an excellent sign of a healthy relationship because it signifies that you are both comfortable enough with each other to Eau De Parfum the atmosphere.
As a matter of fact; being comfortable enough to fart around your partner is a crucial step in crossing the bridge from just liking someone, to being in love with them. That's according to a 2016 survey by Mic.
I must confess; this is my favorite funny marriage advice for newlyweds ever! haha!
Want some time to yourself? Just give him something to eat.
This is another special advice for the bride to be; as lots of people hear about phrases and wonder where those popular saying like "Give & Take" originates from? Well, now you know (its a joke though) *wink*
Want him to do something? tell him he's too old to do it *wink*
Can we have a moment of secrecy here guys? All men out of the room! (just kidding)
You know sarcasm can be just the right tool you need to get your groom to do things? Some men whine a lot when they don't want to do kinds of stuff and shift blame to being busy at work.
Well, that shouldn't bother you anymore, my advice for the bride to be is to simply say the following magical spell loud or even grumble loud enough for him to hear "maybe you are just too old to do it" and then sit back and watch your alpha male switch into action. It's one of the funny marriage tips I picked up over the years.
Wonder why this works magic? It's because you just bruised his ego. No man wants to appear weak to his wife and being old is being weak. You get the gist.
Want to get her attention? talk to another woman!
This might sound like bad marriage advice, but have you ever seen a rabbit or a hare's ear? Especially when they are sensing movement around their surrounding? The way their ear twitches is exactly how your wife's sense of hearing will suddenly find its way to whatever it is you are saying. You'd be surprised lol.
A blind wife and a deaf husband is what truly makes a good couple
This is funny marriage advice for couples but could be the change your marriage needs if you think about it for a sec……
Did you?
Well, if you don't, the fact is that there are no two people in the world that will always get along. To keep a marriage going strong you have to constantly compromise and adapt. Marriage is for adults and not babies that still need their diapers changed and their activities monitored.
Becoming deaf to your wife's tantrums is one of the best ways to stay sane and keep the marriage flourishing. Take it or leave it; if you react to everything that comes out of a woman's mouth, you'll go nuts and probably be in Arkham Asylum by now. It's best to just become deaf to her typical bate but be attentive to her ingenious complaints because being completely deaf is also a clear paved path to ending the union.
The same thing goes for being blind to some of his shamelessness – Yes that's what it is.
Understand nothing, but still, say: "I Agree!"
This list would not be completed without this funny marriage advice for newlyweds. You remember signing up on that social media network and you are asked to check a box confirming you have READ and ACCEPT their terms and condition?
Now, let's be sincere with ourselves, did you actually read that long write-up?
Haha, 🤣 I bet you didn't but end up signing up your privacy away just to use the platform.
The same ideology can be applied to marriage if you truly want the best of it. Make listening to your wife like agreeing to the terms & conditions of several websites and apps you've signed up for, understanding nothing, and saying "I agree, you are right". Everyone will be so much happier. You'd be surprised.
Funny thing is that a man ends up losing his bachelor's degree and a woman acquires her masters.
During the 1930s this saying from Arkansas Gazette was very famous as it was published in various newspapers. The original goes thus; "Matrimony, says a writer, is an institution of learning. In which a man loses his bachelor's degree without acquiring a master's"
Keep your mouth shut and checkbook open, that's the key to a successful marriage
I know you might wanna categorize this as one of the bad marriage advice on the list but before you do; forget for a moment; all about giving a woman freedom, encouraging her, showing her off, and now shift your focus to the checkbook, yes that book, now open it, sign it and hand it over to her to write whatever she desires. Watch the magic as her mood lightens up and her face in awe of so much ecstasy her heart will almost explode.
That my fellas; is how to maintain your marriage lol.
All the engine oils and grease you'll ever need are in that book.
Don't want him to forget your anniversary? It'd be wise to get married on his birthday.
I'd say not to keep your hopes high though because I don't want you surprised seeing him knotting his tie, asking for his coffee on his way to work that day like it's just some other day. Some men are so carried away with work and everything that they don't even remember their birthday. But there's no harm in trying though, I mean; what better way to keep him on his toes?
Source: https://relationshiplesson.com/funny-marriage-advice-for-newlyweds/
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